Approaching 6 months

 So here we are, approaching 6 months into our relationship. Over the months we have only grown closer. We spend weekends together and call them  Fantasy Weekend where it feels like we are on vacation. We have had very planned weekends, with specific things on our calendar, and weekends where we just wing and they are equally good. We spend wonderful time together at night in the same bed, we shower together, we have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, sometimes at home, sometimes at wonderful restaurants, and sometimes at home. We give each other sensual massages, spend time in the hot tub, have essential oil parties, game nights with friends, both movie nights and This is Us nights. We jam in bands together with friends and together. We hike, shop, garden, and work with each other. And all along the way we do not really argue or fight. This is not to say we don't have times when we miss each other or wonder if we are doing the right thing, but we ARE doing the right thing, the right way!

Of course, there have been setbacks of a sort. The whole kitchen debacle at my house and the more recent loss of my job, threatening my stability, and thus our stability. Yet through it all, I see you by my side, offering help, being concerned, being in the game as we say - you are there for me and I am hopefully there for you too.

And, I also see you being rightfully cautious considering your journey in relationships and living arrangements and the desire for normalcy and longing for the feeling of grounding. To a large extent, I try to help by providing a sense of grounding, in me. A place you can feel comfortable with and settle down with. I want you to be with me always but I also want you to WANT to be with me and to feel SAFE with being with me, that I and you, together will have the sense and trust that WE will make it through, together, and be better at the other end. When I see us making pancakes together, solving plumbing problems, decided how best to plan our garden I know, for me, I have the right woman. But I want you to feel, know, and trust that you've picked the right man.

This will come, over time, and my thoughts turn to situating myself, career and financial-wise. It is more important to me ever to be stable in my location, house, and career/income because I'm to provide for another, a very special other...

That haunts my dreams, that and other worries of mine, some concerning, others fleeting ego things. But they are mine to wrestle with. Things will get better I know, because I'm working on them, as I do with computer problems, song studies, sound and audio engineering, gardening, home automation problems, etc. There's lots to life - why not engage it? Do not let life control you but cease it for yourself. Always try to make others happy and better just because they know or interact with you. Be a cause for good in the world and it will pay you back severalfold.

Well, that's the thoughts for tonight, another journaling thing, a dump, plea, pouring out of thoughts an emotions for tonight. Probably better left as a drizzle of thoughts than to be rewritten...